4 Strategies an Interracial Couple Uses to Get on the Same Page About Money – Business Insider
- Frances Saunders, 57, is a Black woman from a working-class family who is married to a Daniel Sollinger, 54, a white man who comes from generational wealth.
- For the last 20 years, they’ve been having monthly business meetings to discuss their family’s finances.
- Talking about race and money in a relationship can be stressful, so they use these four strategies.
- Read more stories from Personal Finance Insider.
Frances Saunders, 57, and Daniel Sollinger, 54, met in 2001 in New York City. Saunders comes from a Black working-class family, while Sollinger comes from a white family with generational wealth. Saunders has always worked steady 9 to 5 jobs, while Sollinger has works as a freelancer in the film industry.
When they first met each others’ friends and family, Sollinger said he always felt welcomed by Saunders’ community. On the other hand, Saunders immediately noticed the disparity between their upbringings.
“My parents are Jamaican, both working-class people,” Saunders told Insider. “Meanwhile, Daniel’s parents traveled the world. Daniel’s dad retired in his 50’s. Daniel’s parents have hobbies. Daniel grew up in a home where their family served five-course meals, and I grew up in apartments where we were served with late payment notices.”
After 20 years of marriage, they share four of the strategies that have helped them manage money all along.
1. They had to recognize their different perspectives
Saunders says she and Sollinger were on “different wavelengths” about their understanding of race early in their relationship. Instead of confiding in Sollinger about all of her experiences, Saunders would rely on her friends, who were also people of color, who understood where she’s coming from.
“I used to edit myself 50% of the time,” said Saunders, “and I edit less now because race is a constant conversation between us.”
“I get sad hearing that Frances edits herself,” Sollinger said. “I feel like she should be able to say whatever she needs to say, no matter what the topic is.”
“I’ve had to process my white guilt and let it go, too, so that I can be supportive and empathetic,” Sollinger added. “When she’s angry at institutionalized racism, I’ve had to detach my own personal feelings and just listen to my wife talk about how she feels.”
2. They drafted a monthly business meeting format that helped them talk openly
After a year of dating, Saunders and Sollinger decided to move into Saunders’ apartment in The Bronx together. They struggled to deal with their finances as a team.
They first decided to split all their finances 50/50. One month, Sollinger was late on his portion of the …….
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